I just feel defined by this illness ever since I was diagnosed. It was six years ago… no, it was seven years ago. I have never been the same. I feel trapped. Trapped under this name, trapped in my house, trapped in disability. I am somebody. At least I was somebody. Now it’s just, “Hi, I’m crazy, I take too many meds to even enjoy a glass of wine, and I cannot hold down a job. Still interested in talking? No? I didn’t think so.”
My cats get to go outside, the dogs do too. They even make a lot of noise and climb on the furniture. If I did that it would be straight to the mental hospital. I just want my freedom back. I rely on these medications and all they have done is taken away my ability to think clearly enough to be the creative person I used to be. Can I do it just one time? Can I just stand in the street and scream? Can I do anything?
