When I want to scream…

I just feel defined by this illness ever since I was diagnosed.  It was six years ago… no, it was seven years ago.  I have never been the same.  I feel trapped.  Trapped under this name, trapped in my house, trapped in disability.  I am somebody.  At least I was somebody.  Now it’s just, “Hi, I’m crazy, I take too many meds to even enjoy a glass of wine, and I cannot hold down a job.  Still interested in talking? No?  I didn’t think so.”

My cats get to go outside, the dogs do too.  They even make a lot of noise and climb on the furniture.  If I did that it would be straight to the mental hospital.  I just want my freedom back.  I rely on these medications and all they have done is taken away my ability to think clearly enough to be the creative person I used to be.  Can I do it just one  time?  Can I just stand in the street and scream?  Can I do anything?

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Author: jesseruth84

Trying to figure life out one minute at a time

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