Dealing with IT

So, yeah… I’m depressed.  How do I deal with this?

depression creeps around in the the background.  I could see it in the corner of my eye for days now. It remained elusive until about an hour ago.  This is something you cannot see or reason with.  Apparently, there is a gene for it.  Perhaps you could watch and observe how my synapses are firing at the moment.  But can I do that right now?  Hell no.  All I can do is FEEL it.

I have literally talked to dozens of doctors. Dozens of therapists.

What is their advice?  Raise this med, try this med.  Try mindfullness.  Try opposite action.  Try something fun and new.

What is it they dont get?  Its not just my mind.  Its everything in the whole damn world that is depressing.  The color of the sky sucks right now.  The melting snow is sooo sad.  I am not going to call and talk to anyone about this because I care about them.  I dont want to depress anyone else.  So what is there for me?

Okay, I have taken all medicine as prescribed.  I have plenty of reading material.  I have games to play on my tablet and tv I can watch.  I do not want to deal with actual people, so, no.. the outside world is not available right now.  The question is, will I sit here and just be miserable or will I try something that could work?

I made up my mind a long time ago about this.  Not acting is just as bad as giving up.  I will not give up.  I will push forward and make it through this.  Its the hardest thing a person can do, pushing through.  But it can be done.  I will not give in to this darkness.  I am not a victim.  Im pushing through and I hope that anyone else out there who goes through this can do the same.

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Author: jesseruth84

Trying to figure life out one minute at a time

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